Hee! I'm still trying to get over the irony of the fact that the music I currently havce stuck in my head is from "Hair". (Aquarius/Let the Sun Shine In)

I don't know why I didn't mention this earlier, but the music for this season of marching band is kickass. Not only is it cool songs, the arragnements are really good. Sorta tough, but good. We've got Encantada, the requisite Spanish/Mexican/etc.-music-esque opener, then (In no particular order, because the only other song I know the place of in the show is... well, I'll get to that.) I Saw Her Standing There (You can't go wrong with Beatles music, so long as the arrangement doesn't fuck it up.), It Must Be You (Or some similar title. Haven't played it much), Boogie Down, which, despite it's highly stupid title, is a cool song, and the closer, Aquarius/Let the Sun Shine In. The closer is great. It's a little odd of a choice for closer, to me, though, because it takes the most thought out of all the songs to play. That wouldn't be as much of a bad thing if the other songs weren't so (This is sorta theoretical, as we don't even begin marching them until band camp in late August...) draining. And closer always has the second hardest drill, after the percussion feature, which, this year (guess what...) is in the closer! Yes, we play Aquarius, and the transition to Let the Sun Shine In is a percussion break. So it's hard marching ---> harder marching ----> slightly easier (but not by much) marching. Whee.

But the music is great.

Remember the test that siad I'm Taylor Hanson's crotch?

Well, he just recently got married.

Excuse me while I go retch violently. Thank you.

Whee. Put D101 & BMB up in the Fox's Reads box & distinguished between blogs & comics there. Might add 8-bit or RPG World later. If I don't feel lazy.

Well, Heather and I have made up and all. It was just a big series pf misunderstandings, and I think we've pretty much cleared up everything.

But now (on a completely unrelated note), I've got to court and "date" (we haven't come up with a useable euphemism) her.

Well, okay, the courting is done. All I had to do was say **courts HEather**, but still... It's a bit cheap if you ask me...

Quote of the Day:
"Raven: Every now and then I seriously wonder what she's on...
Mal: Well, when we were five, we had a butter eating contest.

She won." --Demonolgy 101: Ep. 2, page 9. (Referring to Mac)

Demonology 101 My new obsession. Yay for artisic ability I will never be able to achieve! (And what seems like, so far, a cool plot.)

Quote of the Day:
"If God is a she, then what does "goddess" mean?" - Jay(?), in Dogma. Just remembering it now, haven't seen it recently enough to be positive it was Jay who said it...

Epiphany time!

Chocolate Teddy Grahams would be the perfect ambassadors to end racial discomfort between black people and white people: They're black crackers!

Well, okay, they're really dark brown, but doesn't that just make it more true?

Take the What
animal best portrays your sexual appetite?? Quiz


It says that I'm a playful kitten! The rest is just secondary.

^ ^
>-< Nyao!

This time, I'm not ghoing to put the whole comments and such up, because, 1, there isn't anything for me to refute in the first at least two paragraphs, 2, I felt a need to refute most of what she had said, becasue at that point, I was trying to figure out what she thinks happened, and make sure she could do the same for me, and 3, it was a bitch to format.

"I saw you sitting with people you generally interact with and rather than be presumptuous and think that it was b/c of me, I was giving you a little credit, thinking that gasp you were maybe having fun with someone else." Well, thanks. But still, I would think that if I stopped talking to you right after you said something potentially offensive, you'd at least ask and make sure that it wasn't because of what you said. And I was having fun with them. That's the reason I chose to sit with them, as opposed to one of the (theoretical, as I never really thought about sitting somewhere else) other tabels I could've sat at.

"I don’t know why you have to assume that I’m calling you cocky " Maybe... this? "Do you understand how mean and cocky you have gotten, especially towards me?" But I guess I could be wrong...

"Maybe you’re being more hostile towards the world and I take that personally" That's probably closer to the truth than any reason I could come up with. Plus, I'm probably slipping from the "Ooh, shiny!" stage of sleep deprivation to the "fuck off" stage.

And the whole not being able to reasure you about Bobby thing? Well, at the point where you wanted me to, not only did I have no clue who he was, I didn't really have anywhere near a good grasp of what was going on, because you would never tell me anything when I asked. All I knew then was what I could make sense out of when you were talking to Shannon, which I don't always pay close attention to when I have other homework, food, or there are other conversations going on at the table that I want to listen to or be a part of. So, the kind of friend that "flat out refuses to reassure another friend, regardless of the situation" is one who doesn't know what the situation is.

"Wonder why I didn’t write about you and your gaiety in my private post?" No, I was just wondering why you wouldn't write something in what you told me was a "private" entry, not "freinds-only". There's a distinction to me, because I dont' know how livejournal works.

"Acting like I’m interested is not as good as being truthfully interested", but worse than letting me know you aren't interested flat out. Because I can usually tell, and it makes me feel bad, because I know I must be boring you, and you aren't making any effort to change the subject to something you are interested in, which translates in my mind to you not wanting to talk to me. "Would you rather have me tell you that I don’t care about [some] of your hobbies and likes/dislikes?" Yes. Becasue then I won't bother you about them, and that'll make talking easier.

"And I can think of at least 4 guys you have pointed out homo-tendencies about and talked about how you would go about proving it. Fine, you may not remember" because I wasn't being serious. If I were serious, I'd just do... er... whatever I told you I'd do, as opposed to joking with you about what I'd do. (And I still don't remmeber)

"You make me sound terribly shallow. Things involving me and my acceptance into a person’s life[, as opposed to guys,] affect me as a whole person." But a large part of the time, you're trying to be accepted into aome guy's life. I can't recall you ever acting like this because you were trying to be freinds with a girl and they weren't helping it happen. While what I said sounds more shallow, it's only semantics.

"And b/c I’m the only one who’s doing anything about trying to be friends with him, when something goes wrong or nothing happens at all, it’s me (in my mind) who has obviously screwed something up." And look who just described how I feel about trying to be freinds with you (most of the time)!

"That is very infuriating that it would be thought of as being so shallow." Well, you weren't. I just chose bad words to describe what I thought.

"I can see defending yourself but when there’s a discrepancy in whether you said “bus stop” or “north entrance,” I think it can just go unnoticed being that it’s not really pertinent to the situation at all." Well, I don't remember what I said. Because I know I didn't use that particular term, I'm not sure if what you wrote is exactly what I said, and the way you wrote it, which is undoubtedly very similar to what I did say, could have slightly changed how it comes off and a person's perception of what I meant and such. But it was still just a random, unimportant ramble.

"Going into that whole spiel about the “…” shouldn’t have been aimed at me either." I wasn't saying it was your fault, I was just letting you know that the whole emotion and meaning evoked by how you thought I said what I said was wrong and not intended when I said it.

"I’m fully expecting this to go on forever ... Just as long as I have a chance to say my side." I don't. Because I don't want it to take forever, I'm going to do everything I can to make it not. And you'll always have a chance to say your side, as I will always have a chance to say mine. The thing is making sure to try to understand the other person's side, and point out fallacities that make a large difference and are most definitely not the opinion itself. You never attack the opinion, but the facts supporting it that can be attacked, so that when the person agrees with you, it's not because they want you to stop arguing, it's because they realize thet they really are wrong in their opinion. And becasue I know my motives for everything I can remember doing, I know when you're wrong. That's about all I can correct, which makes for an unfortuantely not-very-short process.

Well, now that Heather finally read my blog and left four comments when one would've worked, I know where I need to defend myself ('Cause I knew I would have to...) Oh, and all instances of Heather using my real name, which I'm very careful not to use here jave been replaced by Fox. (Just because you feel safe to use names in your journal doesn't mean I want you throwing them around here.)

Yes Fox, if you knew how absolutely little I appreciate that. Gads I wish you had some clue as to why I need to write a journal entry about you. Well, maybe you should have told me, instead of just telling me you wrote it... I feel so extremely hurt, right now. You are entirely way too selfish. I sit there and listen to your droning on about guys and how all of them are potentially gay No... That was just one, and when he gave an answer, I shut up, except for a couple times when the subject was already pretty much on him already. And I never droned. I would say something, let you refute it if you wished, let you make your points, and so on. If you didn't want to hear it, you could've told me to shut up. But you never do, because for some odd reason you think it won't work, even though you've never tried it. and I try to stay positive and actually listen and give you my input And I appreciate that. and then I try to get ANY advice whatsoever about this lame Bobby situation.... which I can't give because I don't know him at all! You were asking for advice before I knew what he looked like. And I'm sorry, but you know as well as I that I'm not gonna be able to speak for other guys, especially ones in situations that I haven't been in. I'm the hypocritical bitch... yes ok. Because you're all about giving the advice I never ask for... I wish you would just once fiegn an interest and try to be a friend to me I do. But you're too preoccupied to notice, I guess. I mean, why does it have to be the other way around only? It doesn't. I never tried to make it that way at all. And I am (oh sorry, was) your closest friend but you can't support me through any of my little tiny That's an understatement crush which Shannon and I JOKINGLY refer to as stalking. I'm aware it's a joke. But it's the most fitting way to refer to it, because that's how you do. If you want me to call what you're doing something else, give me an option of some sort. All other ideas I have still, in essence, are "stalking" in some way. Why do you have to blow his up into a huge dramatic thing when it could have been a little tiny argument in which we just talked things out? Oh, I don't know.... Maybe because you never talk to me outside of school, and I didn't trust myself not to make it some big, unwanted-attention-drawing thing if I tried to talk about it at school. You could have asked my something, Like what, exactly? I mean, how the FUCK am I supposed to know what's going through that curly little head of yours? By reading what I wrote in this blog, because you never really gave me any other options to let you know, thanks. But instead you join a new lunch table Sorry for not wanting to be near a source of current bitterness and anger. I mean, that would make it so much better! ( and EVERYDAY I asked someone why you weren't sitting with me, I'm the only one who really cared) Which is why you asked anyone but me, the person who would be able to give an naswer. Riiiiight.... and sit and stew and call me your ex-friend. Actually, I sat at the other table so that I'd be doing something to get my mind off of things. Flynn is a very good distraction, in cases like this. And I call you an ex-freind, currently, becasuse you haven't done anything to redeem yourself in my eyes. Do you know how many things I could have rightfully punched you in the face about? Do you understand that I wouldn't give a shit if you did? Pain means nothing to me. I wish it did, but it doesn't. And ther are many, many things I would've punched you for, if it werent' for the fac tthat I know it wouldn't do much. Do you understand how mean and cocky you have gotten, especially towards me? Me, cocky? When did that happen? I don't consider myself above amny people, and the ones I do I have good reason to. You aren't one of them. Sorry for becoming less self depriciating and sorta confident. God knows that If I were to actually like myself in some way, it'd be horrible... ("Must make you feel great about how you looked last fall" If you can't recognize when I'm not being serious by now, I'm not sure how you could've ever thought you knew me well. "I showed Flynn your picture and he was like 'Who's that?' but then I told him it was you and he was like 'oh nevermind' and I guess I can kinda see what he was talking about." As in, if I saw a picture of an attractive person and found out it was my ex, I'd do the same thing.) And I think the whole lj entry was about you going and randomly talking to Bobby and creeping him out. Glad you think enough of me to have checked... And you would have know that had you asked. Uh huh... I would think it'd be kind of relevant what an enrty about my "creepyness" was about right when you told me about it, not something I had to ask you about. But that's just my opinion, you don't have to listen to it. After all, I said it. Why couldn't you just talk to me? Because you never give me a chance. And why should I talk to you when I feel like I need to be defensive whenever I'm around you. Why do you need to be defensive around me?

Have I not supported you Yes, you have not. and acted like I was interested Because acting interested is so much better than being interested, or being honest... in what you were saying the entire time we've been friends? And I was really just starting to feel like I could hold great converstaions Because hey!--you started listening! with you, really connect (while sucking up all the negative energy you were throwing directly at meThat was never serious until that entry...) Too bad you had to lie with your "But most of all I love Heather Wilken," It wasn't a lie, then. Glad you think that my current feelings apply to all actions I made, ever... b/c I felt really special. I said outloud in public AT OUR SCHOOL "I love Fox Fox'slastname," and I meant it. As opposed to actually letting me know... But I have no clue how I am supposed to react to this. DId I say you had to? I hope you've gotten the much needed Umm... no. but totally unnessicary Well, 1 out of 2 ain't bad... drama in your life for now. Do you know what I'd give to be completely absolved of any drama, just for a day? (I mean, I know that if it happened, I'd hate it, but it's the principle) Thanks for posting this in your BLOG so I could maybe someday find out why we don't talk. Because I certainly wasn't gonna make a big deal about it in school, and you never talk to me elsewhere. I did somewhat expect you to check my blog sooner than you did, 'because I check yours muchly. Mostly because you post a ton, but still. You can find everything again at my journal. I'll make sure to make it an open entry. To be overly critical, none of what you wrote there is in your journal.

(The post that started it all...)

Fox has gotten way creepy. Like old man pediophile creepy. Thanks. I know I was never intended to read this, but still... He looks for the tiniest things in people and takes that as a sign that not only have they accepted him' Scuse me? I was still under the impression that you hadn't really accepted me before all of this started. You really need to learn how to judge other people's behavior better., but they like him and want to be his best friend. Because the massively self-depreciatin person knows that everyone will want to be their best friend once they meet them. Uh huh. Yep. Bobby and Shawn missed the bus and they were at the bus stop and here are the 2 stories I got, one from Fox and one from Bobby:

Fox's: Yeah your two little freshman friends Did I say that? Really? 'Cause if I did, it's much ruder on paper than I meant to be when I spoke... were out at the bus stop And I know I didn't say "bus stop", because if there's one thing I will never call the Norht Entrance, it's a "bus stop". That, and "crack/whore house". and they were talking about jobs and since I don't have a job I just kinda interuppted Filled a gap. you may call it semantics, but it's not. Trust me. with "I play the violin" and they didn't seem too scared so I think they thought it was cool. Oh, and all that? That was blathering to fill silence. Because I have subcouncious need to fill silence when there are other people around to talk to. Silence is oppressive. And when I fill silence like that, I usually end up thinking while or after I speak. It's more involuntary than it appears, believe me.

Yeah, that's really weird Fox. I told Fox I was going to ask Bobby about it You did? and when I said that he was like "Well I'm just going to follow you over there so I can hear everything you're saying." Oh, yeah. Now I (sorta) remember. Again with the inability to differentiate seriousness and sarcasm. After convincing him that if he followed me I would kick him in the eye repeatedly, Definitely don't remember that. he decided against it. So I decided aginst doing somehting I never intended to do? Is that possible? So I told Bobby "I hear Fox talked to you after school..."

Bobby's story : Yeah, he was really really weird. Like I was just talking to Shawn and all of a sudden he was like "I play the violin." I was like... oh ok. And then he was like "You know, I could be home right now if I wanted to." He was really weird...
Well, thanks for letting me know not to ever talk to Bobby again, because He actually listens to my random insertions. Plus, there were other people ther who had, at the same time, hit a wierd pause in conversation. I said that to no one in particular in order to (everybody, now...) fill the silence.

Would that line not creep you the hell out? "I could be home right now if I wanted to...."With an implied "but I'm not, because I don't like being there very much at all? And I know for a fact that when I said that, I most certainly didn't "..." it. It was a simple statement like "Cats have whiskers." Nobody ever "..."s sentences like those. I'm a little scared by it. Well, yeah, I would be, if I'd said it the way I didn't. Like the fact that he's staying around to talk to some random freshmen makes him or them cool. When I'm around, nothing's cool. I'm painfuly aware of that, thanks. And besides the creepiness, he's gotten so unfriendly.Reciprocations a bitch, ain't it. I'll ask him to reassure me about something and he'll go into these metaphysical reasons "I don't know what he looks like, even, I can't speak on his behalf. Sorry." IS NOT A METAPHYSICAL REASON! why he cannot do that b.c he doesn't want to be a liar until I just scream at him "CAN'T YOU JUST BE A FRIEND?!?!?"Not when being a freind means lying about something like that, where if you assumed the lie was true, and it wasn't, I'd get blamed and we'd probably be having some argument like this. He tells me when people say bad things about me Because it's nice to know who your enemies are. At least, I would think so. and then he agrees with them. WHAT? When? And he thinks he's being amusing but he's so not. And now I think I'm being amusing my doing something I didn't do! How strange... He's going to everyone's So now Rick and Bob are everybody? Whoa.... graduation party and he wasn't really invited to any of them. Bob invited me, and Rick could've easily lied about having a graduation party if he didn't want me there. And had I been around for Davey's, or gone to Tom's, they had invitations up on the board in the band room, thus inviting everyone in the band Yesterday Rick begged me to take him to Tom's Because apparently, simply asking someone to leave never works. Especially when it isn't actually attempted. with me b/c Mayo live right down the street from him and would not leave until he absolutely had too. And that was mostly due to the fact that I couldn't remember when my brother's graduation party ended, and I didn't want to be there. And he wants to be ostracized even more than he already is. I swear. There are things I can't write in here b.c of who reads it who, exactly, can read your private entries (when you don't put them in someone else's comments to let them know what was in the entry)? , but he's just going to get himself killed or at least maimed. Ooh, I'm trembling... /sarcasm. Oh no. Death or pain. What ever shall I do. B/C HE'S SO SOCIALLY STUPID! **Ahem** duh. But maybe if people would let me know how to fix it, instead of (maybe) telling me that I am, I could do something about it. Just maybe.

Argh an all Fox post. I never thought I'd see the day. Thanks.

There's the entry you missed. Yes I feel a bit stupid, but that was probably your point. Noo... My point was to let you know why I hadn't been at the luch table or talking to you during bandstudyhall the last week of school. Hence, my putting that as the reason at the very beginning of my post.

(From her livejournal)
This is the absolute most heart breaking thing I have ever read in my life. Yeah, it's about me, from one of my closest friends, who felt the need only to say this in his journal, waiting for me to find it. That issue's already been addressed...

If certain people (who can drop off the face of the earth---painfully, if possible) are wondering why I haven't spoken to them in three days, maybe they should stop being such a hypocritical bitch.

Or, even said person weren't to have been so unneccisarily rude, they need to stop being so wonky about Bobby & guys in general anyway. Now this person has NO RIGHT to say that. At all. B/C they are as bad or worse and if they don't realize it by now.... Oh right. Becauae with you, guys and things involving guys manage to effect you pretty much as a whole person and have major emotional effects in pretty unrelated areas. For me, guys are entertainment when they're attractive right now, because I know that only 1 in 10 is going to be potentially interested, and out of them, very few actually would be, due to my social stupidity. I mean, as nice as being with one would be, it's not hte major driving force in any of my actions. They're eye-candy for now, and that's it.


[the rest of my post]

That was all directed right at me. So how am I supposed to respond without sound really childish It'd actually be pretty easy, if you gave it some thought... and bringing up EVERYTHING this person has done to alienate me ditto. Although it might be nice, so that I wouldn't do things like that to other people in the future., to make me feel stupid and unwanted and unpretty and basically only there b/c no one else was. Said person has gotten so viciously mean to me, like, I was seriously complaining about it long before this incident took place... and I sucked it up as all in good humor which it was, up until this point.... god. And I'm not really mad, it's just another little thing added to my plie of "why no one ever wants to be my friend." But I did want to be your freind, until you did that. It was just incredibly offensive, whether you meant it to be or not. And I'm not ready to forgive you, yet. I'm well aware that I do have things I need to fix, but not what, precisely, because everyone feels it's neccisary to tell me the general problem, but not enough for me to fix it, despite the fact that doing so ywould be heavily beneficial to them. Which is odd, given the "I need stuff/for things to be perfect(which usually involves getting more stuff) state of society today.

Whoever says that summer break is fun needs to be shot.

Mm. Swim practice starts today. Whee.

I'm more excited than I sound, but I'm currently muchly tired, 'cause I didn't get much sleep when I was forced to go to state track with my family.

Mreh.

23

I act like I'm 23.
This test was brought to you by Mel - mostly.... Take it here.

I'm 15.






What Type of Villain are You?

mutedfaith.com /
<º>


...Ironic, yes...


...But is that my real result? Hmmmmm? (For those of you not "in the know", mutedfaith.com's quizzes always let you see what the other outcomes are & the code for them. So I might have really been the Despondent Villain, or the Pseudo-villain, or the Evil Genius, but you'll never know.)

If certain people (who can drop off the face of the earth---painfully, if possible) are wondering why I haven't spoken to them in three days, maybe they should stop being such a hypocritical bitch.

Or, even said person weren't to have been so unneccisarily rude, they need to stop being so wonky about Bobby & guys in general anyway.

It's one thing to say "I have an entire private Livejournal entry about how creepy you are. ... It's like, this long **Gestures**" to a person's face. When the entry (seems as if it) is inspired due to indirect knowledge of a statement-in-passing by way of a freind not known for their specific memory, it's even worse. When such secondhand knowledge is believed over a (now former) freind's protestations of it's fallacity, you start to seem like a bitch. When, after a person repeatedly stalks a person, repeatedly admits to such, and thinks nothing of it, then attempts to explain why it's a evilevilbad thing that I did something remotely stalker-esque, to the point of me being creepy, I see no reason to associate with said certain people (who should drop off the face of the earth---painfully, if possible). And when certain people, who used to be considered my closest freind, don't even attempt to hear out my part of the story, they can just skip death and go right to Hell. Unless it doesn't exist, in which case they can just die. Painfully.

Bitch.



...Oh, and today was the last day of my school year.


...And my brother Graduated Sunday.

Certain people can just drop off the face of the earth...

Painfully, if possible.

Find your emotion!

Riiiiight....

You are 30% evil! [?]

You're still on the good side of 50%, but you're gaining on it. You're not as good as you should be, but you're good ALMOST all of the time. There's only an occasional time when evil takes over you, but when it does...

That can't be right...

You're PRIDE! You like yourself, and you aren't afraid to show it. You don't like to admit when you're wrong, and you think you're better than most. You're represented by the color violet.

Oh, the irony...

Which Kiss Are You?

Well, if I knew what that was...

**Remains withing steadily shrinking sphere of naiveity**

Heh. If I wanted to, I could probably be a really good stalker.

But I don't. IT's just that I remember stupid little details, can recognize more people by the back of their heads than the front (sometimes), and recognized a hot guy from seeing him across the gym, the long way, at graditation.

Soo... I see Hot Guy R outside after garduation, near Hot Guy G. It's kinda distracting, and I, naturally am curious, and sorta watch them. Well, they both have some connection to sorta-hot guy C. Seeing guy G by guy C makes it obvious that they're brothers. Guy R still seems a tad out of place. a girl appears, and I think perhaps guy G is with with her, but he doesn't really pay much attention to her. Guiy R is hovering like I do when I'm with someone who doesn't want it obvious that I know them. Thus, I wonder why guy R is doing that. Until a probably comepletely untrue idea hits me. Then, I decide that maybe my family is waiting for me to find them rather than the other way around and leave.

The strangest (not really) part of all this: guy C is guy B's cousin, and Heather is all about guy B right now. ("C" and "B" come from names. "R" and "G" come from shirt colors. 'Cause people aware of guy C and B and Heather's connection to them know the "C" and "B" come from names, so I thought I should make it clear that "R" and "G" don't. That's all.)

Unh...

You'd think that with three days of school left, there wouldn't be any major projects left, 'cause, y'know, teachers have to have time to grade them, right?

Well, you're wrong. I am currently working on a twelve-or-more slide Chem Powerpoint project on nuclear chemistry. Thankfully, my topic is the only topic available with an entire chapter on it in the Chem book. So "Ha!" to the other groups in my class, because they had to look harder for information.

But a twelve slide presentation isn't that easy. Especially when you have to find pictures, which means that I have to look online (which I should be doing now, but am not... -_-;;), and... bleh.

I don't feel like talking about the stupid project, 'cause it's.. well.. stupid.