I sorta ran out of time typing my last entry (So read it first, or I'll hate you forever!), and I meant to continue (Duh).
Lately, I've benn much more open than I want, and I've also started acting satisfyingly evil, with the worry placed more on the satisfyingly than the evil. I've always hated people in general, but I"ve never been outright malicious to the extent I've been lately. It's kinda scary.
Is it some sort of side effect of coming out to a few people, that because I let something out that I'd been keeping in, even if not to everybody, other things have a path out? Or did I, by holding in some things, prevent the exit of others? OR is it neither, and I would've gotten suddenly evil and open anyway?
I may have bitten Mattern in that situation before, but I doubt I'd have whapped him for the book or laughed when he twisted my arm... I certanly wouldn't have done anything that showed I was in pain, 'cause I wasn't, but laughed?
And I really, really need to kick something.
Yet, when I go to bed, I need something human-sized to hold. A stuffed animal or two.. or five.. ^_^;; doesn't do it anymore. I need a person, and there aren't any to be found around here for the time being, and even if there were, I don't think my parents would approve of them being in my bed, even if I only held them.
And I NEED some fucking intentional human contact, dammit! (Yes, that was expletive-friendly, but they coinvey extreme emotion quite well, don't they? Don't say I'm wrong, 'cause I'm totally not. And you know it. Don't you play dumb with me! What do you mean you don't know what I mean? You know exactly what I mean! **Mutters** Moron...)
I had a quote of the day around here somewhere... Aha!
Quote of the Day:
"A proof is a mathematician's best friend." Mackenzie Bertch, but I'm never quite sure when she's being serious and when she's not, partially because it requires a certain amount of brain power to emote that well. Or maybe it's just 'cause her sarcastic tone hasn't had as much practice as mine 'cause she's a very nice, optimistic (And not moronic) person. (Whom I could never be. Damn pop-"culture"-centered society.)
Lately, I've benn much more open than I want, and I've also started acting satisfyingly evil, with the worry placed more on the satisfyingly than the evil. I've always hated people in general, but I"ve never been outright malicious to the extent I've been lately. It's kinda scary.
Is it some sort of side effect of coming out to a few people, that because I let something out that I'd been keeping in, even if not to everybody, other things have a path out? Or did I, by holding in some things, prevent the exit of others? OR is it neither, and I would've gotten suddenly evil and open anyway?
I may have bitten Mattern in that situation before, but I doubt I'd have whapped him for the book or laughed when he twisted my arm... I certanly wouldn't have done anything that showed I was in pain, 'cause I wasn't, but laughed?
And I really, really need to kick something.
Yet, when I go to bed, I need something human-sized to hold. A stuffed animal or two.. or five.. ^_^;; doesn't do it anymore. I need a person, and there aren't any to be found around here for the time being, and even if there were, I don't think my parents would approve of them being in my bed, even if I only held them.
And I NEED some fucking intentional human contact, dammit! (Yes, that was expletive-friendly, but they coinvey extreme emotion quite well, don't they? Don't say I'm wrong, 'cause I'm totally not. And you know it. Don't you play dumb with me! What do you mean you don't know what I mean? You know exactly what I mean! **Mutters** Moron...)
I had a quote of the day around here somewhere... Aha!
Quote of the Day:
"A proof is a mathematician's best friend." Mackenzie Bertch, but I'm never quite sure when she's being serious and when she's not, partially because it requires a certain amount of brain power to emote that well. Or maybe it's just 'cause her sarcastic tone hasn't had as much practice as mine 'cause she's a very nice, optimistic (And not moronic) person. (Whom I could never be. Damn pop-"culture"-centered society.)
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